Boyfriend girlfriend. They aren’t labels. They aren’t titles. They just aren’t words. They just don’t add onto a relationship, they just aren’t these relationship affliated things that we use. Somehow, they make things official.
Seven Months. I’ve known you for seven months. I must admit, maybe the first three months weren’t serious at all. But the last four have. They have to me. I’m not so sure. Maybe since January, the months started to mean something to me. And I’m not so sure if I’m writing thing for a reason. God Knows I don’t want you to see this. However you don’t live in a cave—maybe you will see this before I delete it from public view. But I’m sure I need to write it down. Maybe to make it realer than it is. Face things, you know.
I know every month we have this talk. About whether or not we should be together. And I know every month we both verify how we feel. And we’ve verified that you like me. We’ve verified I want to be with you. And we’ve slightly covered your innate ability to commit. And it always ends with a negative sentence. The kind of sentences that throws us off for weeks.
And in those weeks, I do things in spite of you. I meet new people, to prove I can. I flirt a horrible amount. I lead people on. Kind of like you do with me. I keep them hanging. I’ve become a horrible person. And up until reccently, I figure its not fair to do this. Not with you here. In the back of my mind. Telling me, that you just might love me. Not with you here. When All I see is you. Its not fair. Not to them. Not to me. Maybe not even to you. Its a whole fucking mess.
Then, I chill. I hang with my best friends. I recooperate. I recharge. I might even forget about you for a couple of hours or maybe even half of the day. But your always there. Your there for me. Or yourself. I’m starting to think its just your selfish need.
But, regardless of the many times you’ve came back - the time has made me tired of you. Maybe even just a little bit. I’m tired of the game. This whole fucking mess. I’m expecting less and less. I have no trust in you. I had very little faith in the first place. But now I feel as if its worse. As if, I really, really don’t even care anymore. Whether your here. There.
For this benifits me. If you don’t show up - I’ll recooperate once again. I’ll forget you for the time being. But you always come back right when I do.
Because maybe you see it too. That I’m just here, not giving a shit at all. That everything we did is starting to mean less. Every “You’re beautiful“‘s and “Trust me’s” are losing their value. And I feel as if the only reason you come back is to prove something.
You just wanna prove you can come back, right? That you can make me fall for every little thing you do? Well your right. You can.
So what does that mean to us?
Because, I know theres no us. Theres no you and I. Theres no WE. There’s nothing between us. Because you simply said no.
However, why are we still here? Holding hands. Sleeping on eachother. Laying together. Looking into eachothers eyes? Hearing you snore ? Why am I still here answering your phone calls, and replying to your txts? Why do we even still kiss in front of people - your friends, my friends, the world ? Why do we do everything together?
I never really cared for the label. For the non-label gave us some sort of freedom.
But now I do. And now I know it means so much. It makes you feel…complete. Because I wouldn’t be crying if you were…something to me. I wouldn’t be distraught with this idea of caring so much about you—if we were together. It means something, to the point where, it creates a barrier. Without this boyfriend/girlfriend thing - what are we to one another? What am I doing with you? It makes this whole infatuation between us unfair. For my side is so heavy compared to yours. And I can’t bear to keep it this way.
to have a good time, & keep you off my mind.
perfect summer jam for ‘1O
Good shit. : )
The reason why guys are dickhead is because a girl made him that way.
And the reason why girls are bitches is because a guy made her that way.
So what the fuck?
|Me:||Shit, Jeremy I'm crying. I just never wanted to talk about it or bring it up, because it makes things so much more real.|
|Him:||Let it out, there are some things you can't avoid.|